Try to Understand

A post-election maelstrom of despair pulled in many of my Republican friends last night as the final numbers were announced. I get that you are bummed out, and I get that you are worried. I know how you feel. I remember what it's like to lose an election when I felt the stakes were dangerously high. So please don't think I'm being dismissive or insensitive. But there is one sentiment I'm seeing that I find really disturbing.

I just don't understand how anybody could vote for him!

Guys, this is stuff we should have taken care of before yesterday. Understanding the motivations on the other side of any debate is a critical part of knowing how and why you disagree.

Darlings, if you don't understand why people voted for the other side, that one's on you. You have had months -- years, actually -- to figure that out. You have access to a stunning breadth of information. The Internet lives in your phone and your iPad and your laptop and your PC, and news magazines and newspapers sit in every grocery store. Oh, yeah, and there's TV.

But chances are, you looked at all these things, you saw the issues laid out, and you still didn't see why anyone would view them differently than you do.

In that case, why didn't you just ask? If we're friends -- even acquaintances -- you should have known I was in the other camp. I made no secret of it, and I'm generally happy to talk about it. But if I'm the only one you know who disagrees with you, we all have a much bigger problem to deal with.

We think sharing our opinions on Facebook is the same as having meaningful discourse. It isn't. 

There is no substitute for sitting across from a real, live human being with a soul -- especially someone you know, have worked with, laughed with, worshiped with, drunk with -- and saying, "Dude, what the hell? I don't get it!" And then actually listening to their response rather than watching their mouths move while you mentally build your defense and then vomiting rhetoric all over them.

It's also a lot harder to tell a breathing, feeling person with a history who is standing right in front of you that you know they only voted like they did because they are ignorant, or they are racist, or they are stupid, or they are sheep, or they hate God, or they hate women, or they just all-around suck. Usually, civil conversation has a much better chance of survival when we are forced to look into someone's eyes and into our own hearts to decide whether we mean those things and whether we should say them.

Before the next election cycle starts (which is sure to be at least 10 days away), let's make a commitment to surround ourselves with flesh and blood individuals who disagree with us. When we learn to listen to them, to love them, and to respect them, then when the results come down, at least we will all be able to say we understand.