An open letter to 2015

Hey, 2015.

I’ve got something to say to you, you dirty son of a bitch.

You barreled into me like a juggernaut. It took you less than a week to break me. You wanted my head on a platter, and there were days I nearly handed it over. I hurt people, and people hurt me, and those don’t cancel out; they multiply, and they keep hurting. You put me on trial – my motives, my actions, my beliefs – again and again, and I learned things that paralyzed me with shame and disappointment. I lost. I’m still losing.

So I came into this reflection wanting nothing more than to say, Fuck you, 2015.

But.

My hurt drove me to create things.

My self-examination motivated me to change.

In my loss, I sought community, and the friends I’ve found have kept me on my feet more often than they know.

So here’s what I have to say to you, 2015.

You wanted me to hide, and I did. But I hated it, so I threw my doors wide open.

You wanted me to give up on myself, and I did. But then I built myself up into a new thing with new worth.

You wanted me to bury my head in my hands, and I did. But then I lifted my wet, contorted face and locked eyes with every human who had the heart to look at me. And I loved the hell out of them.

You wanted me to cower, and I did. But then I roared.

So fuck you, 2015.

And thanks.

There’s an emptiness love leaves behind, 

and there’s an emptiness that is love.

One grasps.

One releases.

You choose which one.

You choose.

Brazen

The parched field has given up on thriving.

Drained and brittle grass resigns its height

to flatten, stiff with waiting.

On the outskirts,

one crimson bloom twists and dips

to the rhythm of the seasons changing.

The grasses think her brazen.

They shrink a little lower

in her shadow.

Still, she dances,

raising her grateful face

to meet the blazing kisses of the sun.

Vocabulary Builder

foolʹish•ness.

n. 1.  to give without expectation of return.  2.  to seek fulfillment in emptiness.  3.  to approach danger unguarded or without caution.  4.  to endlessly forgive.  5.  to pursue the impossible.      

foolʹish•ness.

n. The greatest virtue.