Thursday, April 30, 2015

Day 29: Words Worth Screaming

if art imitates life,
then how will we make art?

will we write our words in pencil, erasable and thin?
will we bury them in dusty boxes?
will we find our truths and cast them off unwritten?

let’s not.

let’s scrawl them
and bleed them
and burn them onto the page.

this book filled with poetry—
this is not a textbook.

this is a prayer book
a diary
a case history
an evidentiary report;
this is a love letter –
a thousand love letters --
a confession
a manifesto
a meditation;
this is a mirror,
a rope,
and a bullhorn;
this is a priest
an enabler
a drill sergeant
and a therapist.

so.

why read our words alone in silent corners?
why read poetry in fearful whispers?

some words make beautiful whispers
but they make magnificent screams.

may life imitate art.
grind your voice to gravel.

scream.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Day 28: The Tale of Fred the Unicorn

In the land of Weehoffen, where billy goats fly,
On a mountain that rises so high in the sky
That the clouds all get winded halfway to the top
Grew a sunflower field – a splendiferous crop,

For these sunflowers looked like no others you’ve seen—
Not the boring old six-foot-tall yellow routine,
But real sunflowers—blossoms of actual suns,
Whose petals were rainbow-striped flame-spitting ones!

The Weehoffian creatures would flock to the mount.
They would line up in multiples too large to count
For the chance to perhaps hitch a ride on a goat
Who would carry them up to the top where they’d dote

on those glorious flowers; they’d faint and they’d swoon.
When they finally went home at three midnights past noon
They’d stay happy for weeks, maybe months, maybe years!
For the sunflowers’ song left no room for sad tears.

Now I haven’t said this but you might have inferred it:
Their song was unique for each creature that heard it--
For some lilting whispers, for some great loud screams,
But for each of them always, the song of their dreams.

The flow’rs were so bright that when each day was through
They had to be covered – and carefully, too –
So the people in town miles and miles down below
Weren’t kept up all night long by their sunshiny glow.

And who did the covering? Why, it was said
That the sunflower tending was all done by Fred,
Fred the unicorn who, since the day they were sown
Watched over those flowers like they were his own.

He had named every one as a seedling, and knew
At what temperature each little blossom best grew.
He spoke to them sweetly, with kind, loving care
and wore sunglasses daily to keep out the glare.

And though Fred loved the flowers and tried to protect them
He knew they weren’t his, and he had to respect them.
When a bloom now and then saw a sad girl or boy
and decided to give some more permanent joy,

that bloom would jump out of its place in the dirt
straight into the arms of the child that hurt.
They’d go home together, the child and the flow’r
and dear Fred would watch smiling, not sullen or sour.

For flowers, like people, belong to themselves.
All unicorns know this, and so do all elves.
But unfortunately many creatures do not,
And that is the problem that thickens this plot.

One day from the town a new visitor came,
A clever young fox – Rusty Boltz was his name.
From his den in the valley this fox had been scheming
To take for himself all the blossoms’ bright beaming.

He wrote up a contract and put on a suit.
He hijacked a billy goat from a small Schrute.
Then he came to the top with his contract unfurled
And marched right up to Fred like the king of the world.

“Mister Unicorn Sir!” the sly foxy fox bellowed,
“I hear you’re a smart and quite reasonable fellow,
So I’ve come here today with an offer for you
That will buy you vacation forever – it’s true!

“You see, my fine gent, if I may call you that,
It’s high time you let somebody else up to bat.
You’ve been slaving away for these flowers for ages.
I’m here to relieve you! See here in these pages

“I’ve laid out a bargain you won’t want to miss.
For twenty-six hay bales – now sir, don’t dismiss –
I’ll take all these sunflowers off of your hands.
You’ll be free to adventure in faraway lands!

“Free to live with your great unicornian zeal!
Now tell me dear sir, do we two have a deal?”
The fox raised his eyebrows all bushy and red,
But he got just a smile and a shake from old Fred.

“They aren’t mine for the giving,” Fred calmly declared.
“And although these dear sunflowers like to be shared  
They’d say no. For you see, they’ve been singing to you
But you haven’t once noticed, and now they’re all through.

“I believe when they choose their new friends, they prefer
To pick creatures who listen and love, good monsieur.
While I’m sure you’re quite wonderful – no disrespect --
You just don’t seem their type,” said dear Fred (quite correct).

But that Rusty red fox had heard only one thing:
That the sunflower field had no owner! Ka-ching!
He could take it all over! He’d sell every bloom
For a fortune! He’d have his own moneying room!

He’d be rich! And the singular thing in his way
Was this unicorn sap. Well he’d fix that today!
Rusty Boltz started yelling. He screamed and he spat.
He threatened and howled like a crazed alley cat.

He chased Fred away. Then he straightened his vest,
He turned to the flowers and puffed out his chest
And announced, “You’re all mine now, and I don’t play nice!
Now which of you flowers will bring the best price?”

As he walked the rows greedily rubbing his hands,
Rusty Boltz began shouting and barking commands.
He started to prod with a shining sharp hook
And the flowers were frightened; they shivered and shook.

Then they looked down the path that led off through the clouds
And saw Fred watching quietly, kindly and proud.
For Fred knew – he had faith – that those sunflowers would
Be themselves – free themselves – if they trusted they could.

The flowers took courage; their flames began bright’ning,
Their petals shot rainbow-striped sunflower lightning!
They glowered at Rusty, who turned tail and ran
Just as fast as a devious fox-in-suit can.

And they lived ever after way up in the blue,
The flowers of sun and the unicorn, who
Simply loved them, with love that’s not greedy, but free.
They belonged to themselves, just like you and like me.

  



Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Day 27: The Beginnings of Things

thousands were crushed in Nepal
while I worried about my flight schedule.
God.

I don’t know how long a person can live on rice and dirty water.
other people know that.

schoolchildren huddle under desks boom ratatat.
I stuff three quarters into a baggie labeled “ice cream money.”
God.

a few weeks ago my fair golden girl asked me
as she brushed her fluoridated teeth
she asked
are there still slaves?

so many, hon.  

people throw bricks because nothing ever changes
nothing ever changes.

someone is dying.
God have mercy.

I write these things and strike them through
because I am ashamed.
because to write is not to feed a child
or to stand in the way of a gun
or to pull a body out of the rubble.

but I write them again.
because
because
words are the beginnings of things.
please God.
words must be the beginnings of things.

let indignation begin here,
because dignity is not a high-priced brand name commodity
to keep on the top shelf away from the riffraff
it has no nationality
no race
no gender
no sexual orientation
and no religion
and how dare we
how dare we
how dare we treat it like it does?   

let compassion begin here,
because for God’s sake
people are suffering
whole futures lost
universes dimming in half-closed eyes
there is food on my table
and none on yours
there is paint on my door
and blood on yours
there is sun in my sky
and fire in yours
and there is no
there is no
there is no good reason for that.

who will set this right?
I dull myself lull myself with the lie
that all I can do is nothing.
but I can make words.
and words are the beginnings of things.

you think because there are earthquakes the sunshine doesn’t matter?
you think because there are bombs the roses shouldn’t bloom?
that's despair dressed in realism’s tattered robes;
that’s the chain that binds us to the slowly turning earth;
that will kill you without lifting a finger
and that will get us all nowhere.

do not despair.
find the beauty that reminds you what to fight for.
the light that streams through a cracked and broken pane ignites more hope than undiluted sun.
the rose that lifts its head out of the ashes cuts a bright red peephole out of a monochrome present.
humanity deserves better than it’s getting
and you are the giver,
and the receiver,
and the gift.

begin something. 

Monday, April 27, 2015

Day 26: Honesty

(Not new. Late night.)

Can we be honest only in pain?
Is that when we lose our ability to dissemble?
Stigmas become hieroglyphs indecipherable on a hospital chart
Shame goes numb inside an open gown, hibernating
While the smell of blood and urine dilates our nostrils.
When we become rabbits in a snare
Exhausted by our own suffering,
Only then do we look into one another’s eyes to say
Help me. I am afraid.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Day 25: To be the better thing

This is what it means to be the better thing.
To keep visiting her to hold her gnarled hand, though her dim eyes pierce you with the flaccid spite of forgetfulness.
To wring from your bone-dry chest a few more puny drops of strength, because you know that however little you have left, he has less.
To turn the car around and make it right.
To love her hopelessly, faithfully, without condition, even as she walks away from you.
To ask the cashier you’ve never seen before why she looks so sad.
To be faced with two evils, and to refuse to be crushed between them, but to choose—remarkable, indomitable thing—the one that will cause the least suffering.
To live foolishly, pursuing paradise against all logic and reason.
To tell your stories with courage, but to hold your peace when they aren’t yours to tell.
To lay your self on a universal altar, your self in whatever shape you find it –
you raw and wriggling worm,
you brick with crumbling edges,
you brittle leaf, frail enough to crumble at a touch,
you toothless, grizzled lion—
and when it’s bruised, or crushed, or beaten,
to nurse it back to life, and offer it up again,
without power, without armor, without reproach;
until it is lifted up by another spirit,
awed by its nakedness,
that sings back to it a song it’s always known.
This is what it means to be the better thing. 


Saturday, April 25, 2015

Day 24: Springtime in the Southland

Out on the horizon
the clouds huddle to strategize.
It’s not so far, the horizon;
you know that when you’ve seen it
rush toward you.

Here in the living room
we huddle, breathing our worried humidity.
The television’s urgent voice
needles nerves already sharp
with waiting.

Green, red, yellow blots
burst open like rainbow blooms.
They pulse closer to the dot
that stands for us.
We pin them with our eyes.

When the door beats, bang,
against the lock,
we look up at the whip of
Meemaw’s blueberry bushes
gusting sweet menace.

Green dark falls.
Stillness.
We listen for the booming roar of trains.
Our memories overflow
with branches and debris.

And then passed over.
We titter at ourselves.
The sun comes out to shine
upon the red half moons
our fingernails have cut upon our palms.



Friday, April 24, 2015

Day 23: ...

The day I cash in the bonus haiku. No poetry in me.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Day 22: A growth of 11 mm

Today an old anxiety returns.
Today the burden once more mounts his back.
Today apologies are passed and burned.
Today bewildered voices quiver, crack.

Today we feel no love for mystery.
Today the blood is drained and courage spent.
Today red fear infects all inquiries.
Today the drop; tomorrow the ascent.

Tomorrow rises steadfast in its calm.
Tomorrow loving arms new comfort bring.
Tomorrow he reads peace in ancient psalms.
Tomorrow hope seems no such distant thing.

Tomorrow raise a glass to life renewed
Each moment, every mercy, every grace.
Today we fret, today we fright and brood.
Tomorrow we will laugh in fortune’s face.


Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Day 21: Bonus Haiku!

Exponential heart:
Why reclaim to give again?
Love is big. There’s room.


Day 21: For the Suffocating Days


Inhale      one      two      three    four.

Exhale     one      two      three    four     five      six.


Shake the expectations off your shoulders.
Swallow hard.
Name the thing that’s caught in your throat.

Remember: Dark matter has its own pull.
Negative space isn’t empty;
It lives inside bright hard lines like casings.
Absences have shells. They lodge high up
Where nausea and tears begin.

Remember: Fear is polymorphic.
Nightmares expand once they get comfortable.
Panic seems small,
But it shivers and throbs in widening circles;
Its tremors crystallize.

Think: For whose hand are you reaching?
Where are your own hands?
If they are torn and bloody, love them.
If they are worn and wrinkled, admire them.
Feel your very own fingers intertwining.

Think: With which organ are you breathing?
The heart is a motor.
The lungs are sacks to be filled.
It’s OK to feel relieved by those truths.
Life is no less miraculous when you drop the similes.

On these suffocating days, my darling,
Let yourself be nothing more or less
Than one soft human body living.


Inhale      one      two      three    four.

Exhale     one      two      three    four     five      six.


Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Day 20: double raw


all is well
until the morning
time folds in
to steal forgetting
scribbled hopes
face down in mercy
curl and rise
to kiss today

a crease reversed
reversed again
diagonal
a cupboard door
thrown open and
a poem bound
to memory
i  –  n  –  h  –  a  –  l  –  e  –  s
new                        breath

to which

it holds

no

right

Monday, April 20, 2015

Day 19: Glycerin Swirl

Two shoulders touching.
Music’s blue-green haze.
Their joined contour
A distant seagull …
The vee of departure …
That’s where all the secrets are:
In the leaning.
In the tense stillness
That halts momentum toward,
Because it knows.
Later.
A pinprick of clarity
Shines through the muddle.
Vodka transcendence,
Glycerin swirl.


Sunday, April 19, 2015

Day 18: under my skin

the seed sprouted
like I said it would,
its roots assertive,
surprising,
quick.
it gnaws
and nourishes.

it tickles
or itches
or stings
or aches
depending on the day
and the weather,
the nearness of breath,
how crowded the bar,
how crisp the lines of memory,
how deep my bow to fear.

is it beautiful or horrifying?
white threads veining
just under my skin,
alternate capillaries
grown to carry
courage from
a time-distant reservoir.
it's still learning how to live here,
just under the surface;
how to squeeze less tightly,
not to smother –
how to co-exist.

I feed it strange things:
an unflinching gaze,
a daring inquiry,
a passionate rise,
a demand for notice,
a stark and loud sincerity.
I feed it risk.
that’s what it wants from me.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Day 17: This Phenomenal Cage*

 Awaken.
That thrumming heart all smothered in its metaphor –
Throw off its leaden blankets.
You are the hot life it cycles,
Its electric muse;
You, each ecstatic contraction
And each recovered calm.
You are that heart,
And every heart,
And your beating shakes the earth.
Rise up.
Rise up and dance
The whirling dance of everything,
Of coming and going,
Control and abandon,
Healing and torment,
Tranquility and desire,
Moon and sun,
Captor and captive,
Beginning and end.
You are midnight,
Morning and night in one.
The balance is in the revolution,
The joyous, reeling dance.
Keep dancing.

*inspired by Rumi, I Have Five Things to Say

Friday, April 17, 2015

Day 16: Something Lovely

My challenge: to write emptiness,
If empty’s what’s at hand;
To look into the twice-drained cup
And call it something grand,
To laud the pleading upturned palm
That no love’s comfort knows,
To illustrate a vacancy
Whose door I cannot close.
But gazing into nothings fairly
Lures paralysis.
A gap becomes a chasm, and
A chasm an abyss.
The dark sings with a lover’s voice;
The minutes sag with weight.
The void bewitches and benumbs
The hand that would create.
So flood me, friends, with every thing
That dares reflect the light.
Tell me something lovely, dears.
For empty doesn’t write.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Day 15: Soul Physic

Duality’s a myth, physicians claim.
I Am no more than happy accident.
My mind and body work in single frame,
Dumb neurons mark no good nor ill intent.
Biology explains the breathless glance,
The endocrine, the flood of dopamine.
And learnèd papers deftly prove the stance
That o’er my choices nature reigns as queen.
Yet still I write of selves and sacred souls;
Yet my organic heart won’t disbelieve;
For I have paid these specters’ toilsome tolls
In feats the body never can achieve:
A soul can hold its breath day after day
With little outward sign of true decay.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Day 14: Morning Dissection

Take a scalpel to a word.
Slice it into parts.


sh …    don’t speak.
            don’t act.
            hide behind.
            duck and shiver.

ou …   phonetic vacillation
            complaisant tongue 
            lips half pursed
            pouting

ld     one sharp edge
            looking backward,
dulled by 
a silent partner.


This word has no will.
It is a regretful doorstop.
Excise it.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Day 12: In My Pocket

A rock. An expired farewell,
Lines creased and faded.
Not enough change for coffee.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Day 11: The Sycamore at the Bend

Everything looked heavenly
The day I first saw her;
Beauty had been showing off,
So exquisitely ordinary,
Filling my eyes with unexpected tears.

I rounded the bend
And there she stood,
Exactly where she’d always stood
Exactly where I’d never seen her,
A white shock of contrary lightning
Charging earth’s energy skyward,
Behind her the leaves
Of more timid trees
Blushing an orange backdrop
To her nakedness.

She is most lovely in the fall:
A long-necked flapper, deco styled,
Arms extended, wrists turned up,
The rusty robe of autumn
Draping coyly off her limbs,
Her alabaster trunk
Disarmingly,
Audaciously
Bare.

She is nature’s unapologetic swagger.

She is magnificent.


Saturday, April 11, 2015

Day 10: Moving Furniture

The face of fear
is a grimace of exertion:
She lifts one end of the couch
alone,
drags it to the opposite wall,
[Bend your knees]
her shoulders burning now
because of
the desk,
the recliner,
the credenza --
[Why don’t you just wait?]
burning seems to cauterize
the hole,
the black paralysis --
or
maybe in the corner,
and the shelf can go behind?
Transform the room,
all things made new,
all things,
all things,
all things.



Friday, April 10, 2015

Day 9: The Tension In My Tense

Let the future fly --
the one that twists your heart.
It’s not a loss to lose a thing that wasn’t.

I wrote that, unaware at first
the tension
in my tense.

Not so easy, setting futures free --
like cutting
greedy kudzu.

Future’s promised vines curl fast ’tween
bygone fingers,
snaking pastward,

twisting thens 
with wistful nows,
tight’ning round a tender, trying present.

Pry them
gently loose.
They played their part; they mean no harm.

Work hard,
but patiently.
It takes a while to untangle time.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Day 8: The Vixen

Saturday you watched the fox
beyond the fence,
whistled when your father
raised his rifle
crashing splinters in the air.

You walked on soft feet
to unriddle her,
padded prints and
calls like baby cries,
feathers rusted blood.

“They’ll call you predator,”
you whispered
when you found her hidey hole.
You told her of their lips
all wet with hunting words.

But Sunday, there she was
in the yard,
bright tail waving,
come-and-get-me flag.
“She’s rabid,” said your father.

You knew better.
She had a wicked flavor
on her tongue, a taste that aches.
She tried, but she just couldn’t stay away
from those damn hens.


Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Day 7: Benediction

(Day 7 is one day early so I can take tomorrow off. Or maybe not.)

Benediction

May your memories bless you with sweetness, not haunt you with grief.
May you learn from what has hurt you.
May you forgive and know forgiveness.
May you find peace, but never contentment.
May you remain a seeker of distant truths.
May you remember your worth and take no shit from those who will not see it.
May you free the tigers in your soul.
May you take pride in the strength that holds your life in place.
May the beauty of your being light your way – your own glorious being, and no one else’s.
May your face be brightened with the faith that you are loved.


Day 6: The Greatest Distance

we would have understood

if not for silence,
with its
gasping inversion,
thoughts all
drowning backwards;

if not for time,
with its

again               
and
again
and
again,

its
unheeding
persistent
inevitable
inevitable,

time always
eating its own
carcass.

it would have been better
if we’d understood.
but we’d used up all our miracles already.


Monday, April 6, 2015

Day 5: Off the Wall

hope's a rowdy bastard.
you try to hang it
on all the right hooks
but it always slips down
to swing
glorious fool
from the one
that
keeps
falling
off
the
wall.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Day 4: Fairy Houses

They’re making fairy houses,
They say,
Mud caked across their faces,
Easter dresses stowed away.
Will the fairies come?
When fresh sunlight cracks tomorrow’s eager door
Will they forget,
Or will strange faith imbue
With cheery import every speck of dust that dances in the air?
Will wonder open wide their eyes?
Will we see miracles?





Saturday, April 4, 2015

Day 3: To My Daughters When They're Old Enough to Read Vulgarities

OK, so I've been working on this one for a while, and this version is still a draft. But it was my morning's revision, and I won't have any more time today to write, so it counts as Day Three.

* Click here for a video of this poem in performance *


Someday, someone’s going to tell you that your mother was a crazy bitch.

If they don’t, then forget all I’ve ever taught you, and remember this instead.

I hope you don’t survive.

I’m not about raising survivors. There are better things to be, things that could kill you.

You, girls. Be those things.

Be the things riots are made of.

Be the brandishers of beautifully violent words.

Be the razor-tongued evangelists of giving a shit.

Be the dogged lost-soul lovers falling on the sword of silent faith.

Be the teary-eyed cheek turners stinging with weaponized submission.

Be the askers of inappropriate, inconceivable, impious, incisive, incendiary questions.

Be the truth yellers unleashing hope and hell upon the half-turned back of a justice too convenient to be right.

Be the terrifying hallucinations of the sedate mainlining money from atop their plastic heaps.

Be the unblushing painters of ecstasies so holy they make God weep for his skin again.

Be the intrepid explorers of anatomies.

Be the challengers of always-beens, never-haves, ought-nots, wouldn’t-dares, and all the other hyphenates of unacceptable realities.

Be the everlong believers in the wonders you, you, you yourselves create.

Be your own fucking muses.

You, girls. Don’t you dare survive.

Be.

If you manage that, things will happen to you.

One day you will look to the sky for answers and find only clouds and contrails.

One day you’ll see God watching you from across a table strewn with cigarette butts and ideas.

One day your heart will starve for pain and your mind won’t be able to make sense of that.

One day mania will chase you into the public square, where people will laugh at you wet and dancing with your grief.

One day you will howl exulting in the improbability of stars.

One day you’ll find clarity in your own naked reflection, topsy turvy bulging in the drop of water hanging from the faucet.

One day someone will return your gaze with such intensity that your chest will reverberate with the aftershocks of your moments colliding.

One day your lover will fan your flames with one hand and scatter your ashes with the other.

One day a friendly room will fall to whispers as you wolfishly slink along the wall, guilty blood on your lips.

One day you will wonder whether your hands will ever stop shaking.

One day you’ll find peace in a company of a family you’ve chosen, lit with laughter and firelight and booze, your 2am philosophies rising to the heavens in the snaking incense of grease and charcoal.

One day you will fail so thoroughly that even the cars passing you on the highway will seem to belch out accusations against you.

One day a child will look at you with love, and you will work your ass off to be worthy of it.

One day you will wake at 3am struck blind with panic over the unlivability of the hours whose shadows stretch like caverns on the floor.

One day you’ll realize you’ve been counting your days backwards to the origin of an ache you thought you were trying to release.

One day you’ll call your emotional 911 so you can hear a human voice read the phone book to distract you from your vertigo.

One day you will inflict irreparable damage on something that once brought you joy, and the price of the penance you set for yourself will be far higher than you can afford.

These things will happen if you’re lucky.

You won’t survive them, darlings – not even the lovely ones. See, the beauty of being is just as insufferable as the pain, if you look it full in the face.

You’ll be demolished, reduced to a dust so fine that the wind will have carried half of you away before you can stretch out your palms to catch it. And you’ll mourn, my loves. You’ll miss what you were.

But after a while you’ll look down with your beautiful red-rimmed eyes at the tiny piles of your remains, and you’ll think about what you’d like to Be next.

You’ll spit into your impossible hands.

You’ll rub your dust into paste, you glorious I-Once-Was, you fierce and grateful offerings,

and you’ll start fucking building.




Friday, April 3, 2015

Day 2: To Ice

Day Two, baby. Under the wire.


I meant to write an ode to ice,
To stasis, fortitude,
To that hard strength of human soul
The admirable winter
Mirrors splendidly.

I tried to write that poem, and
I meant it, every word --
But hope tapped on my window
And the sound of water dripping
Kept distracting me. 



Thursday, April 2, 2015

29 Days of Poetry

It's National Poetry Month.
I'm going to write a poem a day, starting today.
Here's one. 

  

Glint with mischief;
Gleam, you pools,
For mirth becomes you.
You deserve to cry from laughter
Now and then.