For the Graduates

It’s graduation day in my town. Several of our local college graduates are friends of mine, people whose smiles and drive and energy and stellar child-whispering abilities have made my life better, in big and small ways. I want the world to see how f&^%ing remarkable they are, and I want them to see it, too, when the world doesn’t.

I guess that’s why I feel compelled to share this list today. It’s torn and limp from being folded and unfolded. I call it my imperatives list. These are things I’ve learned the hard way, and they were worth it. I still fail at them every day. I still add things. I keep this page with me all the time.

I know my list can’t carry a lot of weight – advice like this is better learned than taught, and that’s how it should be. If you take nothing else from it, take from it the value of knowing what you stand for and who you are deciding to be, because that is -- it absolutely is -- a decision, and it’s a decision you will have to make again and again. Make a list of your own, and then when my kids graduate college, you can share yours with me.  

   

When in doubt, make the harder choice.

No one can decide right or wrong for you. Their rights and wrongs aren’t yours anyway, so it wouldn’t be much use.

Strength is not an inherent trait. It’s a decision you make, always. Make it.

Fear no one. No other human being has a damn bit more value than you do, and no one has true authority over you either. When you approach others with fear, you don’t get to experience one another, and that’s tragic. When you approach others with fear, you don’t challenge yourself or allow yourself to challenge them. No one learns anything, and no one moves forward. Fear is bad for everyone.  

Question everything.

Take action, even when you’re not sure. You’re never going to be sure. Thinking without deciding will paralyze you.

You are responsible for your decisions. Respect other people enough to refuse to take responsibility for theirs.

Be private if you want to, but do not take part in secrets. Secrets are damages unrealized.

If you find yourself apologizing for the same thing over and over, either stop doing the thing, or own it and quit apologizing. Otherwise your sorry only means “I’m too lazy to change” or “I’m too scared to commit.”

True, deep connection with others is a sacred thing. Don’t neglect it.

Only the radical deserves your time. Whatever you choose to do, do it radically.

  

That’s it, kids. Congratulations. Go party. Go unleash your homemade havocs on whatever world you discover.